Still no visa

Today Koudjo went to the U.S. embassy again, hoping for the third time to receive his visa. Just as last week, they were told to come back next Tuesday. Supposedly, according to the guards, the machine is broken. For two weeks??? I have my doubts. The U.S. embassy in Togo is mammoth (surprising and probably unnecessary for such a tiny country) , brand new, expensive, everything state-of-the art (it was there that Koudjo had his first experience with automatic flushing of toilets and automatic dispensing of soap and water!!). Their visa machine breaks down for several weeks and no one can fix it??? Hard to believe! Patience is a virtue, one that I obviously haven't mastered yet! Koudjo, on the other hand, although frustrated by all this, focuses more on God's timing and control in all this. I know he's right. He's generally much more patient than I am and often gently reminds me to be patient with him as well. The little "have patience, have patience, don't be in such a hurry" song that one of my friends sings to her daughter comes to mind right now. Good reminder!

When is he coming??

So, you're wondering when the man will finally get here and what the situation is with his visa? Since some of might not know the entire story and since I'll use this blog to save stories for posterity, I'll give you the long version, from the beginning. For most of you, skimming skills will probably come in handy for this update..or you might just want to skip it entirely. For those of you who I haven't talked to yet or for those of you with poor memories (Oh, wait, that would be me!), you might actually enjoy the details that follow.

I filed for the fiance petition in June 2006 (and submitted 84 pages of evidence, some of it very personal evidence, to prove our relationship!!). Five months later, in November, the petition was approved and the file sent on to the U.S. embassy in Togo. We had hoped to receive a letter from the embassy in December, telling him what to prepare and when to come in for an interview. We waited and waited, wondering why in the world it was taking so long. After getting back from our Christmas/New Year's trip to Togo, we contacted the embassy, which promised to mail another letter to us in Benin (but would not allow us to come and pick it up or tell us what it said). After waiting another week and having only a few days left before we were going to leave to Togo to begin my trip to Ghana in order to fly to London to take another flight to Hungary to catch a van to Romania to visit my parents (yes, a long trip!), we called again and they said we could pick it up! Go figure! And I had hoped the American embassy might operate differently than the typical Beninese or Togolese officials! When we picked up the letter, it gave him a Feb. 6 ^th interview date, as well as a bunch of forms, instructions for medical exams, and other requirements. It turns out that they had mailed a letter in December with a January interview date, but we never received it (which doesn't really surprise me when the envelope says "official U.S. embassy business" on the outside!). Although all of this was a bit frustrating at the time, considering it would have been nice to still be there with him on his interview date, we both believe this timing was for the best.

On Feb. 6th Koudjo had his interview at the embassy, which according to him lasted less than 12 minutes with only 2 questions. The two questions? They asked him when my birthday was and how we met. It seemed that there were also a couple little side questions (like how we got engaged and whether he had met my parents), but the main interview was just those two questions. We had practiced all sorts of questions I thought they might ask, but at least he was prepared. And he got the answers right :). The kind lady who did the interview was the same lady I had met a couple weeks ago when I had my affidavit of support sworn in. She remembered Koudjo from that time and asked about me as well. Remember those 84 pages of evidence I turned in last June? Well, it turns out they were well worth the time. Koudjo was supposed to present new evidence of our engagement today, but he was never even asked for it. Instead, the woman acknowledged the good work I had done with the first submission of evidence, said we were smart, and ... offered her congratulations!! He was told to come back two weeks later, Feb. 20th at 3:00pm, to pick up the visa.

We expected to celebrate and buy a plane ticket Feb. 20th, but unfortunately he still hasn't received his visa. Not to worry, there doesn't seem to be a problem with his specific visa.. There were 4 or 5 other people waiting with him on Tuesday to receive their visas. After an hour, the guard finally came and told them to come back on Thursday instead. Koudjo called the next day to find out what was going on and they said they would call him when it was ready. Still he went back on Thursday, as did the others, to see if he could get it. Again he and the others waited until they were told to come back Tuesday. This seems typically African, but quite non-American. So, we're both not quite sure what is going on. Since it involves several people, it doesn't really put any worries that there is something wrong with his case. It's just means more waiting and trying to be patient.

I could go ahead and give you our thoughts as to when he'll come to the States and when we'll get married (and I'll become Chrischona Sodji!) , but I'll wait until he gets his visa and we KNOW when he's coming. But it shouldn't be long...

Two wonderful months of vacation, done and over

Snow has fallen, gently covering my surroundings with a soft blanket of whiteness. No, Africa did not receive the surprising snowfall which Arizona received a couple of weeks ago. That would have left Africans quite a bit more bewildered and unprepared than Arizona's inhabitants (what are they called, Arizonans? Arizonians? Kelly, help me out). Here in Romania, where I arrived Saturday night at my parent's place in Cluj, snowfall is really quite common and probably unappreciated, unless you’ve just come from a place with temperatures in the upper 90's and humidity in the upper 80%. Check out the weather forecast for this week in Benin at http://www.wunderground.com/global/stations/65338.html and you'll see 104 degree temperature with 89% humidity! Fortunately, most of December was quite cool, by comparison, due to the harmattan (the northern winds that blow in lots of dry, somewhat cooler air, and daily leave a fresh covering of red dust all over your things). Besides the white blanket of snow, I’m also adjusting to the sea of white faces. I was surprised, however, to meet an African woman at my parents’ church on Sunday, so even Romania is becoming more and more diverse.

These last two months of vacation have been absolutely wonderful! Yes, I know two months of vacation is unheard of and quite a privilege, and it was well worth the price paid!! However, if termed two months of unemployment, it doesn’t sound quite as exciting, does it? Either way, it was a memorable, much needed, and very appreciated two months together. As expected, those eight weeks with Koudjo flew by. After getting over the short initial adjustment of being together again after eleven months, it felt as if we hadn’t really been apart. Getting used to his height, or lack thereof, which my imagination had conveniently increased by two inches, was probably, and also fortunately, the most difficult of readjustments. By the way, be prepared that due to our strategic positioning in our pictures, you probably have a false mental image of his height as well. You can be the judge of that when you finally meet him face-to-face. J


To finally be together as an engaged couple really did us well. We spent lots of time talking about our future marriage and life together and preparing for it as best as we know how. Besides being able to daily “play house” (cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, going grocery shopping, figuring out finances, working through conflict and disagreements, etc), we also worked through a pre-marriage book together, which was very helpful in guiding some of this preparation for marriage. We also both really enjoyed our daily Advent meditations before Christmas (Koudjo’s first time celebrating Advent). And if all that doesn’t sound fun enough for you (even though it was for us), we also took some time to travel.

Most of the first week I was there was spent traveling from Accra, Ghana, to Aplahoue, Benin, having to stop in both Togo and Benin’s capital for a couple of days to get visas. Except for two days at our one of our favorite beaches (after spending time at a beach in Ghana at the end of my trip, we now have two favorite beaches), we were mainly on the road or at visa offices. We also spent two weeks traveling at Christmas time: one week with Koudjo’s family in Ountivou, his home village, and one week traveling to visit his brothers, sisters, and a friend (remember me learning to drive the motorcycle? That friend.) .

Being in Ountivou this time wasn’t really all that different than other times we’ve been there. Just as last year, I received a very warm welcome from Koudjo’s family and the people at church. Many people also brought gifts for us (to thank us for the school supplies that had been given in the summer): lots of bananas, oranges, yams, corn, chickens, and homebrewed moonshine. Besides telling his family (who already knew about our plans to get married) and the pastor of Koudjo’s church, we didn’t announce our engagement to anyone. Initially that was a bit of a disappointment on my part, but after repeatedly hearing from various family members and the pastor that we need to be careful about telling others, I slowly started to understand. (His oldest brother who lives in Lome really chastised Koudjo because he thought he had announced it to the whole village.) The way it was explained to me is that the Aja people are jealous and vengeful people and the fears were that there would be taunting, especially if it didn’t happen relatively soon, and maybe even worse (such as curses, which don’t really scare me since I believe I have someone much more powerful on my side). However, after we’re married then we can joyfully announce to everyone that we are married. Partly, I think it’s just not the culture to announce it in advance like it is customary in the States. Also, I think there was a fear that if for some reason it didn’t end up working out (either for a visa or if I changed my mind?), that Koudjo would then be faced with a lot of difficulty from others there. His mother , however, was very cute about the whole thing (and if it had been up to her she would have shared it with the entire village): after I had been there a few hours she came to my room and asked me if it was really true that I had agreed to marry her son. She wanted to make sure he hadn’t just made it up. She was very happy when I told her that her son had not lied to her … and she composed a few more songs for me!

We ended our time together with another two weeks of travel: one week to Lomé to work on Koudjo’s visa, and one week traveling in Ghana. Ghana really is a very beautiful country with very beautiful people. We spent a day visiting a couple of the many slave forts that dot the coast of the Gulf of Guinea and reflecting on the horrendous enslavement of Africans, the atrocities committed (one harrowing one was seeing the church that held services right above the male slave dungeon), and the many residual effects even today. Another day in Ghana, while teetering along on a treetop canopy walkway 30-40 meters above the layers of trees that so typify a rainforest, we met an African-American woman who was on a pilgrimage of sorts, tracing her roots and “experiencing the feeling of being in a place where everyone else looks like you”. Ghana seemed much more developed than both Togo and Benin: most roads in the towns and cities were paved and filled with nice cars (and surprisingly hardly any motorcycles!), expensive restaurants and shops could be found all over the city, and the majority of people were dressed in clothes that could be easily found in a crowd of people in any of your neighborhoods (in summer time, of course). Our favorite day in Ghana was probably at Kokrobite, a beach town that draws Rastafarians, African drummer and dancer wanna-bees, and those who want to laze on gorgeous beaches. Just so you know, we fell into the last group of people: we lazed on a gorgeous beach in a small deserted cove, no one else around…except for the construction workers 10 stories up on the skeleton of a mammoth hotel that is 9 stories higher than everything else in the town and will probably ensure that the deserted cove we loved so much will no longer be there for us to enjoy in the future. The price of development.

It’s hard to believe our two wonderful months together are over… and unfortunately ended on a slightly unpleasant note. The night before I left I got sick, vomiting and diarrhea (sometimes at the same time!), and didn’t sleep at all. So instead of ending with all the things we wanted to on our last day like go to the beach, eat at a nice restaurant, walk around Accra, have some last romantic moments together, I ended up laying in bed and feeling miserable. Thankfully our prayers were answered and by the time we went to the airport that evening, my diarrhea and vomiting had both stopped. But even in times of sickness there are some very tender and unforgettable moments that make you wonder if that day would have been as special in health. We are both so very grateful to God for this gift of two months together and now are looking forward to the day when we don’t have to say goodbye anymore.

And when will that day be? I’ll save that exciting news for my next blog, for this one is already much too long. Don’t worry, you won’t have to wait long, for the blog at least.